Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
When I first heard that it was God. Army and THEN me AFTER Army.. I was NOT a happy camper...Of course God is first, we as Christians know that when we don't let God lead our lives as he is the Creator of it, its obviously a rough road ahead.
Well I get it now...Army needs first. I am tough in ways I never thought possible, because of the Army. I have about 5 gray hairs on my head, 4 of which come from being an Army wife. As I write this, I have been an AW for 3 years.
But... Deployment.....that's a first.
Currently Jesse is in his 6 month of being in Iraq and it could not have gone by any faster. Weird, I know. It should be dragging by, but since September 2 when Jesse first shipped off, a week later I had moved back in temporarily with my parents, then we celebrated Lincoln's 1st birthday a week after that. Then two months later was Thanksgiving, and 3 weeks later Jesse came home from Iraq for R&R. A week of him being home we had our second son named Reagan. Exactly a week after he was born Jesse went back to Iraq. I have been up to my ears in doctor appointments and as of recent events, NUMEROUS dental appointments. As I write this on Monday, February 22, I will be back in my home exactly a week from tonight...Yeah, it's been the craziest 6 months of my life.....So, quite honestly, I really haven't had a whole lot of time to sit down and pity myself. Don't get me wrong, that first night he was gone was brutally emotional on so many levels.The next few nights I cried less and less, and focused on the many tasks that would lay ahead of me.
When I first heard that it was God. Army and THEN me AFTER Army.. I was NOT a happy camper...Of course God is first, we as Christians know that when we don't let God lead our lives as he is the Creator of it, its obviously a rough road ahead.
Well I get it now...Army needs first. I am tough in ways I never thought possible, because of the Army. I have about 5 gray hairs on my head, 4 of which come from being an Army wife. As I write this, I have been an AW for 3 years.
But... Deployment.....that's a first.
Currently Jesse is in his 6 month of being in Iraq and it could not have gone by any faster. Weird, I know. It should be dragging by, but since September 2 when Jesse first shipped off, a week later I had moved back in temporarily with my parents, then we celebrated Lincoln's 1st birthday a week after that. Then two months later was Thanksgiving, and 3 weeks later Jesse came home from Iraq for R&R. A week of him being home we had our second son named Reagan. Exactly a week after he was born Jesse went back to Iraq. I have been up to my ears in doctor appointments and as of recent events, NUMEROUS dental appointments. As I write this on Monday, February 22, I will be back in my home exactly a week from tonight...Yeah, it's been the craziest 6 months of my life.....So, quite honestly, I really haven't had a whole lot of time to sit down and pity myself. Don't get me wrong, that first night he was gone was brutally emotional on so many levels.The next few nights I cried less and less, and focused on the many tasks that would lay ahead of me.
My husband says this constantly to me when I start to complain: "It is what it is, so you better deal with it"
Pretty mean, insensitive and harsh huh?..Yeah I thought so too at first....Then I realized that living unrealistically ain't gonna cut it.Sitting around moping and getting nothing done is going to kill me..slowly but surely.. You do what you gotta do as a wife and mom. Mom's especially, because you can't lose control when your taking care of the kids...You gotta hold it together. So when do I cry and let go of all those emotions? At night...when babies are asleep and I get my "me" time...I am actually quite thankful I have two little ones at home with me keeping my days very busy. I think of my cousin who is a LT in the Army and his new wife of less than a year. They have a dog, which hey, is some good company :) but it's still a very lonely place and I think of her daily. I thank God of the sacrifices are men make for just living in a war torn country and fighting a very long fight. But don't forget the spouses. I will save that subject for another blog, on another day :)
Deployments suck to begin with....
then Reality shows its big ugly face and all of the sudden its been two days without hearing from my sweet husband and I find myself flipping through the news channels and checking live feeds online, wandering if there was another bombing. That sucks...that's reality....and it's not a place you wanna be..
The verse I decided to start this blog with has been my life verse in the past 6 months. A missionary was preaching at our church back home and as soon as he quoted this verse, it was like God had given it specifically for me. It's easy to complain, but as a Christian (and not just any Christian, I am saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and will one day be in Heaven solely because I have trusted in him as my PERSONAL Savior).....I can't survive this deployment without my Lord helping me everyday...Please don't take this blog as a preaching from me. My absolute intent is to help fellow military wives with POSITIVE and godly advice as much as I can. I make TONS of mistakes being a wife, mom and friend. I guess the point is to learn from it and move on.
That being said, I am no where close to knowing everything there is to know about this crazy military life.
The verse I decided to start this blog with has been my life verse in the past 6 months. A missionary was preaching at our church back home and as soon as he quoted this verse, it was like God had given it specifically for me. It's easy to complain, but as a Christian (and not just any Christian, I am saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and will one day be in Heaven solely because I have trusted in him as my PERSONAL Savior).....I can't survive this deployment without my Lord helping me everyday...Please don't take this blog as a preaching from me. My absolute intent is to help fellow military wives with POSITIVE and godly advice as much as I can. I make TONS of mistakes being a wife, mom and friend. I guess the point is to learn from it and move on.
That being said, I am no where close to knowing everything there is to know about this crazy military life.
Separation never gets easier and you don't get used to it as some people might think. The difference is your methods of dealing with it when it comes.
Thanks for taking the time to read this if you are a military wife or just a friend of mine dropping in. I hope I can encourage someone and in return gain a little wisdom :)
I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteIts nice to know someone else is going through the same thing. I mean, you know there are many out there going through the same thing, but to actually know someone, it makes you feel not so alone (even more when your husband is away and you are left behind), and that helps alot! :)
wow VERY moving keila. i instantly started to tear up. deployments are ruff on marriages and if your a believer your relationship with God at times. i caught myself getting so angry with God at first when nathan left because i couldnt believe after only being married not even 2 weeks nathan would have to leave. it took me a good 2 months to stop throwing a pitty party and face the truth that no matter how much i wanted nathan to come home right then he wasnt going to be able to. theres was nothing i could do to get my way. i began to think that God must have put me threw that trial for a reason just like when i got preg at 17. i thought my whole world was over but then 9 months later i learned carson was my world and God sent him to me not as a punishment but ultimately i think to get my life on track and to get me grow closer to him. i found out after praying and listening that this was going to be another blessing even though it was so hard to deal with. nathan and i grew so much closer, dealt with many trust issues, and spiritualy we became to connect more. i felt that before he left i loved him but i was so wrong. i guess i loved him skin deep but in those 6 months i truely fell in love with him and knew i couldnt ever live without him and was the man God intended for me to marry. i guess what im trying to say is that there was a purpose in the heart ache and it benefited us soo much. i feel like we have been together 10 years but it has only been a year. i truely beleive we wouldnt have gotten to that point without a deployment. i learned that you just have to trust God that even if something is hard you have to have faith in him and he will get you thru. and also i take a breath and look around at all the blessings i have been given and not focus on the negative, God knew ultimately and i just had to step back and let him be in control and not myself. anyway i hope you dont mind that i said all of this i was just really touched by what you said and felt i wanted to share just a little bit about what i struggled with and then eventually learned in the end in our deployment. sorry if its confusing, carson is running around and i write about 5 words and then have to deal with him. im sure you know how it is. :) anyway im glad that we have had the privelge (sp?) of meeting you guys and actually know some positive people around here. im excited your coming back in a couple of days and cant wait to get together!!!
ReplyDeleteyour neighboor,
kae :)